Thank you

One thing I've learned from this whole experience is that I should have been sending condolence cards much more often than I did. I'd learn of the death of an acquaintance's spouse or a colleague's parent, and sometimes I'd send a card right away. More often, I'd put it on my to-do list, and after a few months had passed, I'd figure I'd missed the window. I still thought about them, often ached for them, but thought that sending a card at that late date would seem thoughtless or silly. Wrong.

The cards, emails, and phone calls I received right after Sandy died helped immensely. I still haven't replied to them — I plan to, eventually. But they were incredibly meaningful to me. Whether from my closest friends or Sandy's, my family or Sandy's, people who know me but never met her, people I've never met who cared about Sandy — they each touched me and made me feel less alone in the world. In different ways, they honored Sandy, our love, her love for her friends, her passions.

It's been three and a half months now. About once a week, I get a card. Sometimes from someone who's only just learned of Sandy's death. Sometimes from a friend who just wants to say she cares. They touch me just as much as the cards I received in July. My wound is still very fresh, very raw. My want still overwhelms me much of the time. My disbelief is still stronger than my ability to accept her death.

So I wanted to thank everyone who's reached out to me over the past several months, and those who continue to do so. I'll never take such tasks off my to-do list again — and in fact, I'm thinking I should send some of those cards I never got around to now.