On the verge of marriage in Washington

While my entire focus last year was on taking care of Sandy and keeping her alive until the cure, her main priority was gaining us the right to marry in our home state of Washington. She enlisted friends and family in letter-writing campaigns to lobby the state legislature; she posted about it on her blog; she solicited donations for organizations fighting for that right.

We'd always said we wanted to marry in our home state, but that if things looked bad, we'd travel to marry in a state that would marry us. It didn't quite work out that way. By the time we knew we didn't have much time, she couldn't travel. 

Sandy got to marry Greg in the 80's
but she never got to marry me.

At the hospice, when she was confused, she asked where our wedding pictures were. Before that, when we were still at home but knew we weren't going to get to marry before she died, she asked if we'd be married when the legislature finally passed it; she wanted our registered domestic partnership to convert to marriage retroactively.

We'll never get to marry legally. And so I find it bittersweet that our home state is finally moving toward marriage. It looks like 2012 will be the year. The House is with us, and I think we can swing the votes in the Senate. If it does go to referendum, I'm confident that we'll win with the voters.

It's important; it's way overdue; and it will mean the difference to thousands of families across the state. So today, I pledged my support and committed to doing all I can to gain full marriage equality in this state in the next year. It hurts. But the fight was one we would have taken on even if it hadn't been about our relationship, and the urgency doesn't change just because we won't personally get to benefit from it.

I went to the community meeting for Washington United for Marriage this afternoon. Jamie Pedersen, our representative and personal friend, saw me and came over to ask me how Sandy was doing. He hadn't heard about Sandy's death yet. I cried as I talked with him about it, and then I cried again when he told our story to the entire room. And in between, I cried every time somebody talked about the importance of the word "marriage," of recognizing and respecting our relationships, of working to gain the federal rights and responsibilities as well, including social security survivorship benefits (which I was not eligible for, because we were not married in the eyes of the federal government).

I expect to do a lot of crying as this effort plays out this year. But then, I'm already doing a lot of crying, so a few more tears shouldn't keep me from helping to make history. Right?