Lasting gifts

Sandy couldn't donate her organs because she had cancer. Even before the metastatic cancer diagnosis, she'd decided she'd probably passed the point of useful organ donation, anyway, and she convinced me that she should donate her body to science. She read about MedCure in an obituary in early 2010, did a little research, and sent away for the forms.

The donation process was easy and went smoothly. We had the forms taken care of before Sandy died, so when the time came, they dispatched a local funeral home employee to retrieve her body and arrange for transportation. I didn't have to pay funeral home or cremation expenses, and I didn't have to make a lot of phone calls or last-minute decisions. Best of all, I knew that what was happening was exactly what Sandy wanted to happen. A few weeks after she died, her ashes were mailed to me.

The only thing I found dissatisfying about the process was that I didn't know how they'd used the donation. Sandy and I assumed her body would either be used in cancer research or for medical students learning anatomy, but I mentioned in the evaluation form that I would love to know just how her donation had benefited research.

Today, I received a letter from MedCure that included this news:

Because of your willingness to donate, your partner's donation contributed to the following types of research and education:

• A leading cardiovascular research and education facility undergoing development of implants, devices and surgical techniques to correct disorders of the heart specializing in heart valve repair and replacement, hemodynamic monitoring systems, mitral valve prolapse, and aortic stenosis.

• Smith and Nephew Endoscopies are continuously developing and improving instrumentation for the orthopaedic and medical communities. In addition, Smith and Nephew Endoscopies provide on-site technique training sessions in whole joint arthroscopy for orthopaedic surgeons and residents. Current areas of research include rotator cuff repair, trigger finger release, flexor tendon, soft tissue fixation, arthroscopic debridement techniques, and general arthroscopic instrumentation and electronics.

I can't even express how appropriate these aspects of research were. There was no way to identify areas of interest on the donation forms, so I know she didn't arrange this before she died. But she has to have orchestrated this somehow. It's just too perfect.

I was born with a heart valve defect; I had progressive aortic stenosis until my valve replacement in 2009. I have a healthier valve than I had before, but it's still stenotic, not as wide as most people's valves are. And because I have a tissue valve, it's not expected to last the rest of my life. I may need to have it replaced in ten years, or fifteen, or twenty. We discussed all of this with my surgeon before the valve replacement and he talked about the research that's underway, research that should lead to a much simpler procedure by the time I'm likely to need it. That reassured us when we realized she may not be alive to take care of me for another heart surgery. I was completely dependent on her for months in 2009, and there's really no one else I'd want to lean on like that in her absence.

Sandy worried about my heart a lot. Throughout our relationship, she frequently lay with her head on my chest, telling me it comforted her to hear my heart beating, continuing steadily despite its challenges. Many years ago, we were talking about animal research, which we both opposed, and she confessed that her opinion was changing. I was appalled to find out that she was willing to accept animal research if it led to better treatment for my heart; she was willing to sacrifice animals' lives for mine. (I wasn't. But I faced my own hypocrisy when I became numb to the mention of animals suffering and dying in cancer research; Sandy's life was the one I prioritized then.)

Out of all the things they could use a donated body for, research on the types of implants, devices, and surgical techniques that could someday save my life? That cannot be a coincidence.

Her walking sticks gave her much greater mobility on city
sidewalks and national park trails alike — and they gave her
even more arm strength — but she desperately wanted a
hip replacement instead.

It's possible that the orthopedic research was obvious for the donation coordinators because of the osteoarthritis in her hip. Whether that's the reason she was chosen for that research or not, it's also perfect. We knew it was cancer that was trying to kill her, but on a daily basis, her osteoarthritic hip was a greater nemesis to her. She desperately wanted a hip replacement, and no one would perform that surgery while she was on chemo (understandably). If she could have chosen an area of research or training, joint arthroscopy would have been on her short list.

I already knew it was amazing that she was willing to donate her body for research. Not just willing, but adamant. I also know that she's been taking care of me (and my heart) in many ways since she died. But I'm absolutely overcome with gratitude upon learning about yet another way she's been taking care of me.