Humming right along

I've been scattered this week, and though I've managed the most important tasks, it feels like I've been spinning my wheels. As my to-do list becomes more overwhelming, grief sneaks in and leaves me despairing. Last night, I felt pretty pathetic, drowning my sorrows in Firefly episodes and ravioli.

But today is all mine. No outside commitments. No outside distractions. Just me and my ambitious schedule, and so far it's all going according to plan.

In fact, it's going better than planned. For example, I let the cats out while I gardened this morning, and they disappeared pretty quickly, as usual. Nada has to patrol the block, while Belly mainly stays closer to home, ensuring no other felines find comfortable spots to nap. I was starting to think about going back in and wondering where the cats were when Nada came bounding through the yard straight for me, and Belly wandered in from a different direction a minute later. I opened the door and Nada strolled in and lay on the living room floor contentedly. Usually, I have to whistle for Nada and he shows up about 15 minutes later. A few times lately, I've had to go looking for him when he hasn't arrived within 30 minutes of the whistle. So this was sweet indeed.

I've got laundry going. I'm pretty much caught up on email. I'll clean the kitchen in a few minutes, and that will improve my quality of life tremendously. I'm even hoping to get my office whipped into shape. Throughout it all, I'm nattering at Sandy, especially when I feel her nearby.

Sandy and Col, Vividcon 2004. Col's there this year, and
next weekend, she and I are biking to Vancouver, B.C.!

I thought she'd be at Vividcon, and I suspect she has been some, but apparently it's not all about people missing her this year. (Last year, it was nicknamed Vividcry.) Last year, she disappeared; I didn't feel her, suddenly, after having sensed her presence thickly in the days before it. I felt lost, despairing, and then remembered where she probably was. Still, it was a particularly hard weekend for me. This year, not so much.

I don't know when despair and grief will creep in and take over again, so I'm going to take full advantage of the positive feelings and energy I have right now. If I can get reasonably caught up on my never-ending lists, I know my grief will be lighter when it returns. So, onward!