We need your help to win this one

We never got our wedding, but she did persuade me to wear
a tux on our first anniversary. It was at Sandy's request, and
she liked it, but she complained that it hadn't been properly
fitted. So I promised that if I ever wore one again, I'd put
up with all the fussiness ahead of time (a huge concession).

Sandy wanted to marry me, and as you know, the marriage equality bill that the Washington state legislature passed this year will eventually convert our registered domestic partnership to a recognized legal marriage. But there's a catch: opponents appear to have collected enough signatures to attempt to overturn the law. Washington voters will need to approve the law before it can go into effect.

So the campaign to defend the law — Washington United for Marriage — is swinging into high gear. We need everyone to help us make marriage equality a reality in Washington state.

Here's the context: No state has ever voted to support same-sex marriage, and every state that has had a marriage-ban amendment on the ballot has passed it. While public sentiment has been changing rapidly, we just lost big in North Carolina. So it's far from certain that we'll win here in November. However, our state is the only one that has upheld legal recognition of same-sex couples at the ballot box: In 2009, our legislature expanded the existing domestic partnership registration to include all the rights and responsibilities the state gives marriage. It was called the "everything but marriage law" and opponents challenged it. We won in a referendum, despite our opponents claiming that the law granted us marriage. So there is hope.

There are four states with marriage equality measures on the ballot this November: Washington and Maryland both face referenda votes on recent legislative action. Maine is voting on an outright initiative to enact same-sex marriage in the state, after we lost a referendum there a couple of years ago. Minnesota's ballot will include an anti-gay marriage amendment.

I'm incorrigibly optimistic, and I'm also frequently disappointed. That said, I really believe we can win all four of these measures this November, springboarding off the momentum following Obama's recent public support and the strong court cases working their way to the Supreme Court. But we can only win them if everyone gives it their all.

So I'm asking for your help. It's about justice and equality and doing the right thing, of course. But it's also about Sandy. Please help us achieve her deathbed wish; help us get married in our home state.

Here's how to help if you're in Washington:

• Make sure you're registered to vote at your current address.

• Sign the pledge to vote to approve Referendum 74 at washingtonunitedformarriage.org.

• Vote to APPROVE Referendum 74 when you get your ballot, and return your ballot early*.

• Ask others in your family and community to register, pledge, and vote too.

• Donate to Washington United for Marriage. Our opponents have received pledges of millions of dollars from national groups. We need money to run a successful campaign.

• Volunteer with the campaign to make phone calls or go door to door. If you've never done it, it might seem scary or intimidating. But most people find the experience rewarding because you have the opportunity to have real conversations with people about something you care about.

• Volunteer to help out the campaign at your local Pride festivities, a perfect way to start talking to people about the issue in a friendly environment. You don't have to be LGBT to attend or work a booth at Pride; we love our straight allies!

• Talk about it! There are countless ways to express your support for marriage equality, and we know that conversations move voters. Watch for opportunities, or create your own. You don't have to be preachy; just share why it's important to you. Who do you know who wants to get married? (Hint: you can always talk about Sandy and me.) Why is your own marriage important to you? And if you've moved toward supporting same-sex marriage over the years, share that story too. What changed your mind? There are many angles, and remember that you don't have to change anyone's mind in one conversation. But each conversation or positive encounter tends to move people in the direction of equality. Be part of that movement.

• Write a letter to the editor in support of approving Referendum 74. Call in to radio shows on the topic. Put out a yard sign; put a bumpersticker on your car. Sometimes people just need to know that their neighbors support a position to give it another look.

*Sandy and I voted in the 2010 primary, and we handed our ballots to the mail carrier the day before the election. But somehow those ballots didn't get postmarked until the day after the election, and so our votes didn't count. We were both heartsick about it. Since then, I've either dropped ballots in offical local ballot boxes or put them in the mail several days early so I can monitor their receipt at the county elections office and call if they haven't arrived by election day. I urge everyone to do the same.

Here's how to help if you're not in Washington:

• Talk to the people you know in Washington and ask them to get involved, and especially to vote to APPROVE Referendum 74 this fall.

• Donate to the campaign!

• If you live in Minnesota, Maine, or Maryland, get involved there in the same ways I've described above. Money, volunteer time, and conversations are what are going to win this thing in every state.

• Anywhere you live, find opportunities to have conversations about marriage equality. We need to keep moving forward everywhere.

I look forward to an active election season, starting today, and to celebrating with everyone in November! Thank you in advance for your help and support.